Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Weird Dreams to Share

I began this Blog in June but abandoned it out of laziness. I'm going to leave the original opening paragraph. But to update you, the original steroid step down did not go as planned, and then I crashed and slept most of the Summer away. I have since gone back on the steroid (1/2 the dose I was taking most of the year) and it has really helped give me my brain and energy back. I will begin a new step down program but I'll be going off of it VERY slowly. Anyway, I hope you find this entry entertaining! Enjoy:

Ok so Monday is the last Radiation session AND the last day I take the steroid. I can't tell you how jazzed I am about these two facts. But I'm super duper jazzed about the steroid thing. So for one I can stop eating like a hobbit (breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, onesies...) and hopefully my face will tone down a bit (it's mad swollen!) I will miss the frantic to-do list making and the crazy urges I have to organize the hell out of my house! Seriously I found the cure for Hoarding, it's called dexamethasone. Why are doctors not using this? My house has never been in this kind of order before.

But one thing I will not miss is the insomnia and crazy ass dreams I've had. But you know now, I'm totally going to share some of the best ones with you.

1. Tom Hanks and I were spies, trying to sneak into Thomson/Reuters (which wasn't actually TR) and we failed to do our jobs properly. So our boss, George Clooney, fired Tom Hanks and teamed up with me. As we were trying to sneak back into the building George suggested that we get back together. I turned him down, I told him I was too fat for him, so you have to admit, I was only thinking of his career. Which is apparently movie star / spy boss.

Even in my dreams I'm fat, WTF?

2. I went to a club in NYC that allows you to do or witness ANYTHING you want and it was known for its intense experiences. And what horrible debauchery did the majority of the "people" in my subconscious want to do at this club? Yes you guessed it, watching Drew Carey design Pink Furniture. Is there nothing my dirty mind can't dream up?

3. We travelled thru the Tundra of Canada to get to Traverse City, MI (see footnote). When we got there my brother's girlfriend's parents had gotten into a car accident and tried to pin it on me and their daughter. Now they really aren't the type to get into an accident and then try to pin it on anyone, let alone their own daughter (or me, esp. since I don't drive, pinning it on my would be pretty stupid). But we tried to settle the whole thing at Cracker Barrel (naturally). And they were like, Ok we'll stop trying to blame you for the vehicular manslaughter. Woke up before I could order biscuits and gravy.

4. Dr. Dre and I were trying to find kids to join our Glee Club. If you need more set up than this for it to be funny, you clearly don't know me.

5. Freddy Kruger was giving me laundry tips that I could use on the Today Show since I was now the new co-host. I thought that was very nice of him. Now Freddy and I go way back. Nightmare on Elm Street is the first horror movie I ever saw (at my very first sleepover no less). And I couldn't sleep for about 16 years after seeing it (I so wish I was exaggerating! but I have no ability to watch or enjoy scary movies) So since I was a kid I had loads of nightmares starring him. Then when I was a preteen I read that if you have lots of nightmares you should try lucid dreaming. That means when you're in the middle of a bad dream try to tell yourself, hey this is just a dream I can change anything I want. Believe it or not it works. So when Freddy would try to attack me on the way home from I.S. 75, I'd turn around and be like "Dude, you're hanging out in Huguenot? Really? How fucking lame are you?" And now we trade recipes and laundry tips, isn't that lovely?

And finally:
Footnote: Traverse City, Michigan. Ok so when most couples do a destination wedding they choose Jamaica or Fiji or Las Vegas. Not our family, we do St. Mary's Pennsylvania or Virginia Beach. Paradise is overrated. But then there's Traverse City, MI. Beautiful city, breathtaking views of Lake Michigan AND fucking freezing in August. I remember when we pulled into the city and I saw people on the Lake I was like, yeah sweet. Then we got out of the car and I froze my balls off! Now the groom had warned us, so I was prepared clothing wise, just not emotionally. Why were those people on the Lake? Didn't they know they could die of exposure? Is Alaska this cold in August? Anyway for the record the Bride was stunning, the groom was adorable and I slept with both the DJ and a Groomsman! I'll let you puzzle that one out yourself...

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